A Leash and a Dildo
by Yamato's Tiger Lily
Summary: Because Kaiba supposedly embarrassed Joey, our favorite blond is going to extract some revenge on our loveable CEO. But what does it have to do with a dildo...? PURE HUMOR


** A Leash and a Dildo**  
By LilyChan 

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YuuGiOh, nor its characters. 

**oooo**

Out of all the things he had to prank him with, not even _Tristan _would be this lame or predictable. Why couldn't he just let it die? He told the stupid rich boy that he hated being called a dog. Not even the affectionate "puppy" would suffice. But no, he just had to keep beating the dead horse.

Speaking of which, he's hungry...

No. He must concentrate on embarrassing Kaiba at the moment. Anyway, sure the blonde and the brunette were going steady, but that didn't mean they stopped fighting.

Heh. Not even the power of love could stop them from fighting. Even though a lot of drama came from those fights, he could look back at them fondly and laugh.

And boy, he couldn't wait until he could look back and just laugh and laugh about this.

He smirked as he jerked the leash from his horribly and ungodly messy locker. He gathered his books and slammed the locker shut. Kaiba had to leave earlier that day because he had another business meeting. Of course, that didn't surprise anyone on account they had to understand that he's a CEO and blah, blah, blah.

Eh, whatever.

But back to the plan. Since Joey's underage, he had mentally planned to send Mai to get him something that's...inappropriate. They hadn't had sex, but that was because Kaiba was too reluctant. The farthest they had ever gone was probably a good open-mouth kiss.

So would take some time before Kaiba would go any farther, wouldn't you say?

However, Joey couldn't go over to the pay phone because he lacked change. He shrugged. Not a problem -- he could just use Yuugi's cell phone during lunch. He had to call Mai to check up on her anyway since she only arrived the night before. Joey was sure Yuugi wouldn't mind!

**oooo**

Lunchtime came and of course Joey was one of the first to arrive. However, he wasn't stuffing food down his throat for once (then again he didn't have any money in the first place). He was chatting with his friend, Tristan, as he took some fries off of his plate. Of course, Tristan told Joey to get his own food - but Joey just stuck his tongue out while continuing to steal French fries.

"Hey guys!" Joey heard a familiar voice say. He turned around to see his friend, Yuugi and his lover, Yami. The two had the trays of food from the cafeteria (which appeared to be still moving) and they were placing it on the table. They both swung their legs over and sat next to each other while Yuugi sat by Joey.

Joey nodded to them and was going to ask to borrow Yuugi's cell phone when he heard Yami slam the table.

"Augh. Why do these teachers insist I 'cut down on the leather'? How _dare _they tell the Pharaoh of Egypt that!" he ranted. Yuugi laughed nervously. Yami started to rant in Egyptian and the others just watched him as he stabbed the 'thing' on his lunch tray that was now dead. They could've sworn they heard a wailing sound.

Yami was off in his own little stabbity world when Joey pulled Yuugi aside and asked him if he could use his cell phone.

"Why do you need it, Joey? Is it an emergency? Are you alright?" he asked concerned.

Joey shook his head. "Nothin' is wrong, Yuug! Mai's back in town and all, and I was going to call her to see how she is!"

Yuugi arched his eyebrow. He knew that Joey had a crush on Mai before - but Mai rejected him because "He was too young". Or at least that was her reasoning.

Joey shook his head again. "It ain't like that, Yuug! Yah know that Kaiba keeps me, dare I say it, on a short leash! He'd kill me dead if he found out that something's going on between me and Mai!" he laughed.

Yuugi still looked at him with his arched eyebrow.

"I'm serious, Yuug! What? You don't trust me?"

"Oh! I-It's not that, Joey! I just didn't want to think that you're cheating on Kaiba! That's all!" he said, feeling embarrassed to ever think such thoughts.

Joey chuckled and rubbed his fist in Yuugi's hair. Of course he told Joey to stop, but Joey just did it even more. They were both laughing and Yuugi gave Joey his cell phone.

"Don't take too long - I barely have any minutes left!"

Joey nodded and headed outside. He didn't want to risk not only getting into trouble but he barely had any signal.

He went outside to his and Kaiba's usual eating spot where Kaiba would be eating a sandwich while he was typing; Joey would be leaning against him, falling asleep and just enjoying the breeze. Kaiba wouldn't appreciate him lying against him, thus Joey would be pushed against the tree.

Joey smirked. He wondered what Kaiba was doing now. He was probably bored out of his mind in a business meeting. Or he was probably firing some poor sap for getting figures or whatever. But he had to do this - he need to teach Kaiba that he wouldn't tolerate the dog euphuisms, even if they were affectionate, Joey was annoyed by it. He was sure that he wouldn't like to have a pet name that was usually tied in with an insult once before. The leash was the last straw on the camel's back.

He dialed Mai's cell phone (or what he hoped to be it) and waited until a sleepy voice picked it up.

"Hello?"

"H-hey Mai!" Joey said, greeting the obviously tired woman. Even if he were with Kaiba, talking to Mai again gave him butterflies in his stomach still.

"Mmm…who is this?" she asked, still not quite aware of the world around her.

"It's I! Joey!" he said.

"Oh! Hey Joey. How are you?"

"I've been great. How about yourself?"

"I've been great…what do you want, Joey? You usually don't call me during your lunch break. You're usually stuffing your face with food." She teased.

Joey glared at the phone and said, "Is it wrong for me to call to see how you are?" dramatizing his act.

Mai laughed and asked once more. "No, be honest. What do you want?"

Joey sighed. "Fine, ya caught me! I was wondering if you can get me a little somethin' over at the shop down from the Kame Shop."

"You mean the adult shop?"

"Yeah, I need you to get me a dildo."

There was silence.

Then Mai busted laughing.

"H-hey! What's so funny?"

"Why on earth would you need a dildo, Joey? Practice?"

Joey blushed a crimson red at that.

"N-No! I was going to get Kaiba back!"

Mai continued to laugh.

"I'm serious!"

"I-I'm sorry, Joey! It's just - ha ha - why on earth would you get back at Kaiba for? Don't tell me you're having a lover's quarrel?" Mai queried as she tried to control her laughter.

"No…" Joey lied as he kicked the ground for imaginary rocks.

"Sure, Joey. Alright, I'll do the deed. Do you have a specific one you want?"

"Nah. Just any ol' dildo will do."

With that, they said their goodbyes and hung up. He kicked the base of the tree and stuffed the cell phone in his pocket before he went back inside, muttering about girls and their being incredibly nosy about everyone's business.

**oooo**

Joey was surprised to see Mai hanging out by the high school after school. Of course she looked beautiful as usual albeit a bit inappropriate to be _anyone's _mother. Mai was wearing an outfit similar to what she wore in Duelist Kingdom only it was pink. She had sunglasses on and of course her pink lipstick.

He said his goodbyes to his friends as they parted their separate ways. He ran to Mai and waved to her. The butterflies reappeared in his stomach, but he took a deep breath.

"Mai, you do know that this isn't a strip club right?" Joey teased her with a cheeky grin.

Mai frowned and whacked him over the head. She took off her sunglasses and placed her hand on her hip.

"Do you realize how much dildos are nowadays? Its plain robbery! You're lucky I had enough to buy it from them!" she started to rant.

Joey covered her mouth.

"Have you forgotten that I'm still in high school?" he said in a hushed whisper.

Mai nipped his hand and Joey took his hand away and put them back in his pocket.

"So do you have it?"

Mai nodded and whipped out her purse. She opened it to reveal a carefully wrapped shaft. Joey stared at it for a bit and then opened his raggedy backpack and placed in it.

"You better be thankful for this, Joey. You owe me one." She seethed.

Joey nodded. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Clean up in your apartment for a week."

"Not a week! **Two** weeks! You're lucky it's not a month, mister! That dildo was expensive and embarrassing!"

Joey waved his head as he started his way from the school.

Mai seethed even more and she glared at Joey's back. The nerve of that salesman!

**oooo**

The next day came by a little too fast and Joey barely missed it. He woke up late, almost forgot his backpack (including his homework - yet again), and was tardy to class! Of course Kaiba was too absorbed in his own work to notice that the blond came in late. Joey decided he would wait until around the end of the day to do it. He figured everyone's brains would be fried (including the teachers') since it was close to the weekend.

The day went relatively normal. Well, as normal as one could get that is. Yami and Seto fought over who had more strength and intelligence. Of course, Joey and Yuugi stepped in before Yami went physical and magical on Seto. Joey and Seto had another fight. Joey mentioned the leash and dropped the accusation bomb on him. Seto denied of course - saying that he didn't had time to such juvenile acts.

"Yeah right, Moneybags. You just can't stand it that I won't let you call me mutt, or puppy or whatever."

"Why would I even care if you like it?"

"Because, genius, I'm your _boyfriend_! Or have you forgotten that detail?"

"Hmph."

They didn't speak for the rest of the day. However, Joey was still determined to get back on Kaiba - even if Kaiba did have a good alibi. The leash in his locker until later that afternoon after Kaiba had left. Joey won't admit that he was wrong, dammit! He was going to prove to Kaiba that his "puppy" had tricks up his sleeve as well.

So they were in homeroom waiting for the bell to ring when everyone had nothing else to do - all their homework was done for the weekend and they were just socializing. The teacher was out doing some "teacher" stuff. Kaiba, of course having nothing better to do with his time (he didn't want to socialize with _them _even if his boyfriend were friends with him), was checking his e-mail for messages from his team of coders if they had any questions about the code for the latest game in Kaiba Corps.

Joey smirked from his seat and opened his bag as his friends started to gather around him.

"Hey Joey, what's that you have in your hand?" asked Yuugi. Yami was in another homeroom at the moment so he couldn't hold hands with his boyfriend. Tristan was busy hitting on the girls in the classroom so Joey had an alibi (whether Tristan realized it or not).

"You'll see, Yuug." Joey said as he got up, unwrapping the product in his hand. Yuugi blushed when he saw the tip of it… why did Joey bring something like _that _to school?

Kaiba was busy typing a response when he felt something…squishy touch his cheek. He glanced to the right (where the touch was) and saw a pink penis. His eyes bugged out and he fell back - almost causing his desk to fall back. He caught himself because he's that stealthy.

As expected, Kaiba grabbed the dildo and Joey's collar and all he saw was red.

"Why the **hell **did you poke me with a dildo in public? How dare you! I don't care if you're my boyfriend; you don't poke me with a dildo in public!" he demanded in a harsh whisper, unaware he was bringing attention himself (as Joey intended).

Joey pouted.

"But I thought you wanted have a little fun before the weekend starts! When yanno…" he blushed.

Kaiba's breath caught itself.

It was Kaiba's turn to blush.

"_What_?" he yelled.

Then he heard a girl squeal.

"Kaiba! Be nice to him! He's only trying to loosen you up!"

"Yeah! You're always so mean to Joey! He's your _boyfriend_, for Pete's sake!" said another.

"Shut up! You stay out of our business!"

"But Lord Kaiba! Joey wanted to be with you and you deny him!" the girl stated as she put her arm on her forehead for dramatic effect.

Kaiba glared at them, but apparently they seemed not to be phased by it.

"Hey Kaiba, finally got that pole outta your ass?" quipped Tristan.

This caused Kaiba to growl.

"Shut the hell up, Taylor. Whether or not I have a pole in my ass is none of your business. You're lucky that your best friend is my boyfriend, otherwise I would wipe that smirk clear off your face."

"Yeah, that's what they all say."

Kaiba glared even more.

"Oh Kaiba, you stop being so mean to them! I thought you wanted to have some fun! That's all!" Joey continued with the innocent act.

The girls squealed.

"Oh Kaiba! Go on ahead to the washroom! We'll cover for you!" squealed the first girl.

"Oh please, Kaiba? It would mean so much to me!" Joey stated.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes and dragged the blond out the door. He waved to everyone as if he knew what they were going to do. This just caused the band of girls to squeal even more. Kaiba opened the door and slammed it shut.

**oooo**

Kaiba threw Joey onto the ground when they had reached the bathroom and almost literally kicked him into an empty stall. He locked it.

"What the hell were you thinking when you poked me with that… thing? Oh that's right! You _don't _think! Why am I even bothering to ask you?"

Joey rolled his eyes.

"Oh shut up, Kaiba! And stop playin' around. I know it was you who put the dog leash in there!"

"Stop talking such nonsense. Why in the world would I put a leash in your locker? If I wanted you on a leash, I would've done so already." He smirked.

Joey glared.

"Stop playing fucking dumb, Kaiba. For a genius, you sure are dumb."

"For the last time, Wheeler, I didn't put the damn leash in your black hole of a locker."

"I'm not convinced."

"I guess I have to spell it out for you. I wasn't even here yesterday when it appeared. I was in a meeting."

Joey rolled his eyes.

"Forget it. You don't want to listen, and I'm not going to try to get through your thick skull."

"All I'm askin' is an explanation! That's all, Kaiba! Geez…"

"I did, Wheeler. Numerous times. Maybe your head's too thick to even understand that I got the message that you didn't want to be called a dog anymore. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't called you or referenced to a dog since we began to date."

Joey blinked. Hey that's right…Kaiba hasn't called him a mutt ever since they started to go out with each other. Oh great, now Joey felt even more stupid.

Kaiba sighed and started to undo the lock to the stall when he heard him mumble.

"What did you say?"

"I said, I'm sorry."

Kaiba stared at him with disbelief and, for once, cracked a smile. He then doubled over and started to laugh and Joey was scared - very scared. Kaiba didn't smile, much less laugh. Sure his world domination laughs, but not genuinely! Joey took a few steps back and watched his boyfriend (or alien equivalent of him) laugh.

After he settled down, he stood up and adjusted himself.

"Apology accepted."

He continued his way out from the bathroom stall and washed his hands. Joey followed him and hovered over him when Kaiba turned off the water. Joey stepped in front of him and asked him.

"What was so funny?"

"This whole situation. You getting upset over a little prank…and the fact you got away with poking me with a dildo."

Joey chuckled, he was right. He was going to look back at it and laugh, huh?

Kaiba leaned forward and kissed the blond in front of him. They stood like for a few seconds before Kaiba pulled back.

He walked towards the paper towels and dried off his hands. Joey turned around and followed him back to class, with his arms over his head.

_So if Kaiba wasn't the one who placed the dog leash in my locker…then who was it?_

Meanwhile a boy with black hair, tied by a bandanna with diamonds on it and green eyes was watching the couple head back to class.

"Damn you, Kaiba!" he said as he brought his fist up and shook it. "Always taking credit for _my _ideas!"

**oooooo**

**Endings Notes**: Yes yes, I know. I should be working on "A Boy and His Dog" and "A Writer's Paradise. In any case, please review to encourage my behavior. And we all want some crappy humor fanfics, yes? xD


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